Satire
Best Man Shocked Unplanned Wedding Toast Didn’t Absolutely Kill It
“Do I look like the kind of guy that needs to prepare a speech?” Doug Mandel, 29, reportedly asked his fellow groomsmen before taking five whiskey shots and delivering an entirely off-the-cuff toast that guests describe as “sweaty,” and “the only thing worse than the catering.”
Read MoreBREAKING: Secret to Life Discovered in E-mail Chain Nobody Read
The secret to life has been discovered in an e-mail dated June 20th, 2009 and labeled IMPORTANT PLEASE READ. The e-mail, by Maria Rodriguez to eighteen of her colleagues, allegedly went unread for the better part of a decade until one of them went hunting for photos from a team building exercise from the same…
Read MoreTalented Nephew Robbed of Tony Nom Due to Not Getting Cast in Anything, Says Aunt
Diane Robbins, 52, a registered nurse at MassGeneral Hospital in Boston, MA and aunt of Michael Peterson, 29, is boycotting the Tony Awards. “It’s a ruse,” she says. Up-in-arms due to the fact that her incredibly talented nephew was robbed of a Tony Award Nomination for the eighth consecutive year, Robbins doesn’t understand why no…
Read MoreHigh School Drama Teacher Wants Everyone To Know That He Absolutely Chose This Life
Insulted by allegations that his career as a high school drama teacher is anything but a dream, Paul Clark, 49, would like everyone to know that his profession is, in no way, a plan B. Clark, who teaches six sections of Spanish II in addition to his two sections of Drama 101 and heading the…
Read MoreGame of Thrones to Change Ending In Order to Satisfy Fans’ Blood-thirst
After the premiere of the final season of HBO’s hit show Game of Thrones on Sunday, it appears that head writers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are heading back to the drawing board to rework the ending. “There’s not enough death,” Benioff told reporters, reacting to fans grievances about the “boring” premiere. “They only want…
Read MoreHow to Become a Successful Artist in Three Easy Steps
1.) Step One Prior to entering the consciousness of our world, ensure that, when you breach, you do so at an angle so as to behold the full glory of the sun. For best results, stare directly into its warmth for a minimum of ten unblinking minutes as you whisper the secret of the universe…
Read MoreComedy Scene Unsafe for Straight White Men Says Straight White Male Comedian
“I have a point of view too,” Scaletta told reporters while crying over his seventh slice of dollar pizza. Two months after leaving his career in finance behind, Joseph Scaletta, 29, of Brooklyn, is beginning to rethink his decision to pursue comedy full-time. It’s not the hustle, Scaletta says, which he’s used to—he put in…
Read MoreBREAKING NEWS: Theatre Company to Perform Shakespeare
According to a press release picked up by broadwayworld.com and literally no other publication, a theatre company somewhere will apparently be mounting a production of a play by none other than long-time, long-time-dead playwright William Shakespeare. The production, directed by someone named either Thomas or Aaron, will feature an extraordinary amount of dictation from non-equity…
Read MoreNYC Theatre Company Creates New Immersive Experience, Audience Members Work in Office Doing Literally Whatever Needs to Get Done
“It was thrilling,” Anita Donelan, 34, told reporters. “The only information I received was an address and that I’d be reporting to Sharon in Marketing.” The phone call is the beginning of NYC Staffing Inc.’s new immersive experience (currently untitled) in which audience members show up to an office and complete tedious tasks in order…
Read MoreNYC Wedding & Event Planner Announces Bid to Run for President in 2028 Because It’s So Obvious
“If I didn’t kill Karen during that DIY wedding in Long Island, just give me the nuclear codes now,” Simmons told reporters this past Sunday.
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