Serving You Real News With a Side of Satire

CEO to Karen from Events “Splurge on This Year’s Holiday Party,” Hands Her Nineteen Wet Dollars

By Connor Sampson | September 24, 2019

Tech N’ Tech, a New York City-based tech start-up that absolutely does tech-related tech venture capital tech just raised a $32.5 million seed round this past Monday. To celebrate, their CEO, John Whitman, handed Karen from events nineteen wet dollar bills and told her to really “splurge on this year’s holiday party.”

CEO to Karen from Events “Splurge on This Year’s Holiday Party,” Hands Her Nineteen Wet Dollars

By Connor Sampson

Tech N’ Tech, a New York City-based tech start-up that absolutely does tech-related tech venture capital tech just raised a $32.5 million seed round this past Monday. To celebrate, their CEO, John Whitman, handed Karen from events nineteen wet dollar bills and told her to really “splurge on this year’s holiday party.”

Reclaiming the Right of Public Assembly

By Connor Sampson

Today, more than 77% of Americans have access to a broadband internet subscription, up from less than 20% just two decades ago, which means it has never been easier to occupy digital space. The barrier of entry for most digital platforms is as simple as clicking accept on the terms and conditions (and nobody reads them anyway). Simultaneously, the cost of occupying physical space has never been more expensive. If you’ve been around any Dad long enough, you know that you would have to be crazy to buy in this real estate market and they’re not wrong. Especially in metropolises like New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles—the barrier of entry is harrowing.

The 5 Best Podcasting Microphones for Beginners+

By Connor Sampson

There’s no doubt that podcasts are on the rise and showing no signs of stopping. The flexible, inexpensive entertainment medium makes it easy for anyone to produce their own work. Don’t have money for expensive sets, special effects, or camera equipment? With an audio medium, all you need is your imagination—and a microphone. So what are you waiting for? Start turning your idea into a reality today. 

No matter what kind of podcast you’re making—from non-fiction talk shows to investigative journalism to sweeping fictional narratives—we promise there’s a microphone out there for your budget.

BREAKING NEWS: High School to Perform All-White Version of Grease

By Connor Sampson

Riding the lukewarm response from their all-white versions of Bye Bye Birdie (’18), Little Shop of Horrors (’17), and their mostly-white version of Into the Woods (’16), Middlebury High School announces their all-white production of Grease—set to premiere this fall. When asked why she insists on producing all-white musicals, Cindy Fleming, the head of Middlebury’s…

Wedding Valet Actually Just Uncle Proving He Can Parallel Park

By Connor Sampson

Janelle Barnes and her soon-to-be husband, Thomas Wright, did not hire a valet for their wedding last Sunday, but when Anne Marie Jacobs, 34, arrived at the ceremony, she was greeted by a middle-aged man telling her to “Just get out. I’ll do it.” The man, dressed in a Life is Good t-shirt and cargo shorts ended up parking nearly every car at the event and continued doing so well into the ceremony. “I don’t know why I just handed him my keys,” Jacobs, a cousin of the bride, told reporters. “He was—aggressively—friendly.” It wasn’t until hours later when Jacobs noticed the, now suited, man performing a striptease for a tent pole, that he probably wasn’t the valet.

Town Stages is Proud to Introduce its Board Of Directors

By Robin Sokoloff

Town Stages introduces its Board of Directors to expand its efforts to foster the future by reimagining equity and access in New York City spaces. A woman-led institution, Town Stages LLC prides itself on transforming the face of leadership. Town Stages is a 100% wholly-owned subsidiary of Sokoloff Arts Foundation (501c3), run for the benefit…

Best Man Shocked Unplanned Wedding Toast Didn’t Absolutely Kill It

By Connor Sampson

“Do I look like the kind of guy that needs to prepare a speech?” Doug Mandel, 29, reportedly asked his fellow groomsmen before taking five whiskey shots and delivering an entirely off-the-cuff toast that guests describe as “sweaty,” and “the only thing worse than the catering.”

An Interview with Obinna Okani—a Connector of People & Experiences

By Connor Sampson

Thanks for sitting down with me. Thanks for doing this. Can you introduce yourself? My name is Obinna Okani. I like to say that I’m a connector of people and experiences. I like that a lot. Okay, before we dive into work and what you do. What do you do in your free time? I…

BREAKING: Secret to Life Discovered in E-mail Chain Nobody Read

By Connor Sampson

The secret to life has been discovered in an e-mail dated June 20th, 2009 and labeled IMPORTANT PLEASE READ. The e-mail, by Maria Rodriguez to eighteen of her colleagues, allegedly went unread for the better part of a decade until one of them went hunting for photos from a team building exercise from the same…

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