CEO to Karen from Events “Splurge on This Year’s Holiday Party,” Hands Her Nineteen Wet Dollars

Tech N’ Tech, a New York City-based tech start-up that absolutely does tech-related tech venture capital tech just raised a $32.5 million seed round this past Monday. To celebrate, their CEO, John Whitman, handed Karen from events nineteen wet dollar bills and told her to really “splurge on this year’s holiday party.” The dollars, which came from a dry pocket, amounted to eleven more than the previous year.

“It’s incredibly exciting,” Karen from events explained. “I usually have to work so hard to get every vendor and venue to sponsor or donate all of their goods and services in exchange for the honor and recognition that comes with serving a tech-related tech venture capital tech start-up like ours. But now—with a budget like this—just think what I can do.”

When asked how Tech N’ Tech plans on allocating the rest of the $32.5 million, CEO John Whitman promptly turned into a jet and flew away. 

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Though this story is entirely fake news and all material within is a fabrication of the writer’s imagination, Town Stages is a real-life event space in Tribeca with a mission to support under-valued and under-represented voices in the arts. Click here to learn more about the space or to book a tour.

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