Game of Thrones to Change Ending In Order to Satisfy Fans’ Blood-thirst



After the premiere of the final season of HBO’s hit show Game of Thrones on Sunday, it appears that head writers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are heading back to the drawing board to rework the ending. “There’s not enough death,” Benioff told reporters, reacting to fans grievances about the “boring” premiere. “They only want death.” 

After seven seasons of unforgiving plot-twists, bloody wars, and brutal murders, it appears that fans’ appetites for gore and shock have become insatiable. “I didn’t sign up for character development,” says Randy, a former fan of the show who shares a basement with his couch. “I signed up to see my favorite characters drown in gallons of their own blood.”

It seems that Randy’s opinion is shared by many, however. Thousands of fans took to the internet after the show’s premiere to express their grievances. “They should just call it Game of Dragon Tag,” Frank J. posted to Facebook—receiving tens of likes. “I mean, what even happened in that episode?”

What happened was the first 54 minutes of a season of television that took the creators more than a year and a half and $90 Million to make—but, despite their efforts, fans are threatening to boycott the show if their blood-demands aren’t met. “Call me when there’s at least a small genocide #teamnightking” Daniel Samson, 18, tweeted at the show.

Afraid of what fans will do if they are unable to replicate a blood-high the likes of which is offered by episodes like the Red Wedding or the Battle of the Bastards, Weiss and Benioff are scared. “They’re tolerance is so much higher. We can’t take any chances. I have kids. We have to rethink everything. I say we just line them up and kill them all,” Weiss screamed to a producer before hanging up the phone and weeping. “We just can’t win unless everyone loses.”

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