“I have a point of view too,” Scaletta told reporters while crying over his seventh slice of dollar pizza.
Two months after leaving his career in finance behind, Joseph Scaletta, 29, of Brooklyn, is beginning to rethink his decision to pursue comedy full-time. It’s not the hustle, Scaletta says, which he’s used to—he put in four grueling years at Gamma Phi Beta before earning his position as Head of Morale at his uncle’s hedge fund. “It’s the people.”
The environment of the comedy scene is apparently so toxic that Scaletta might return sooner rather than later to the position that’s waiting for him whenever he needs it. “It’s just—I don’t feel safe in a room full of people that don’t understand funny,” Scaletta told reporters in-between showing off one of his favorite routines—a sight gag in which Kevin Hart tries performing a sex act on NBA Star Shaquille O’Neal. “I don’t need the people watching or listening to my comedy to think I’m funny. I know I’m funny. Ask Tony,” he continued seconds before launching into a forty-five-minute explanation of a critical reoccurring motif in his comedy: “The microphone is the penis.”
“I guess you could say that people are racist,” Scaletta continued while getting into blackface for his upcoming set at his favorite comedy spot, The 13th Step. Though The 13th Step doesn’t host a comedy night, they do have dollar beers on Tuesdays and “any bar is an open-mic after a few pickle-backs and if you bring your own mic and amp.” “The 13th Step is what comedy should be. No snowflakes, just snow.” When asked if he was referring to cocaine or the sea of white, underage college students, Scaletta simply laughed.
It didn’t take long before Scaletta was under-attack from other comedians, which caused him to give up on the more popular but “totally whack” open-mics in the city. He especially received backlash for his “edgier” comedy, which mostly includes humping stools, miming ejaculation, and other recycled Dane Cook material. “If you want to troll on my identity, I just think it’s, like, not hard to do. I guess you could say I like smart comedy,” he decried, referring to the very comedians whose identities he had been using as fodder since the age of six when he first surrounded himself with a posse of middle-class, white boys whose insecurities out-weighed their ambitions. “You know, smart like Seinfeld.”
Scaletta wants everyone to know that he’s human and has feelings too. “It’s like—everyone can make fun of me, but I can’t make fun of anyone else? That sounds like the Nazis.” While Scaletta’s experience may be a far cry from mass genocide, he does make one good point: “Put me in a suit and give me a team of writers and what’s the difference between me and every other comedian on late-night television? Have you heard my bit about the friend-zone?”
Tony refused comment.
Though this post is entirely fake news and all material within is a fabrication of the writer’s imagination, Town Stages is a real-life event space in Tribeca with a mission to support under-valued and under-represented voices in the arts. Click here to learn more about the space or to book a tour.