Aunt of the Bride Insists It’s Not Her Place to Comment, Reveals Family’s Darkest Secrets to 18-Year-Old Event Bartender

During her niece’s wedding last Saturday, Debra Moynahan, 53, reportedly spent the entire event in conversation with local bartender and aspiring DJ, Todd Manning, 18. “I mean, honestly, who am I to say anything?” Moynahan told the bottom of her martini glass after spending the previous forty-five minutes recounting the trauma she experienced driving an entire hour and a half to the ceremony site. “It’s not my life,” Moynahan added, making it clear she would have done things differently.

During the open-bar cocktail hour, Moynahan allegedly told every guest that came to the bar that their drinks were on her before finally getting serious. “Listen, Ben, it’s just not my place to comment on what’s happening here,” she told Todd, before quickly drawing a chart of everyone that she had slept with at the wedding, alluding to a certain groom who had been banging down the door to get on the list. “All I want is for everyone to be happy,” she added between her sixth glass of red wine that she insisted tasted like dirt. “Except for Tim. Tim can shit a cat.”

After ending the night embracing the same people whose darkest secrets she had spent the past three hours revealing, Moynahan left the wedding only after kissing her favorite niece on the cheek. “I’m not going to tell you that you ruined your life today because you have no idea how much I love you. I’m just not. This isn’t about me.”

Manning told reporters that his tip was a single two-dollar bill that he was given specific instructions not to spend or lose. When asked to provide further comment, Manning merely told reporters, “I’m just trying to go to Burning Man.”

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Town Stages is an event space in Tribeca with a mission to support under-valued and under-represented voices in the arts. Click here to learn more about the space or to book a tour.


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